An Open Letter To My Dearest Cousin Sister

DISCLAIMER: As in the case of all open letters to family members and cousins, names have been changed for the sake of online privacy.

Dear Stella, this is the second open letter I am writing about you. Just for your reference, here is the link to the first one: https://ashwinkumar1989.in/2025/02/02/an-open-letter-to-my-unofficial-sister/ . Again, where to start? We started off as friends, and over the course of 5-6 years; became best friends, then cousins and now you are part of my extended family – which also includes your parents Jennifer Aunty and Kane Uncle, your spouse Patrick and even your dog Cheetah!! 😛 The purpose of writing this article is to convey to you (and people in my immediate family) how much you mean to me, something that I have not particularly done well through calls, messages or even your favourite voice notes. I warn you though, that this will be quite long; just like the first letter – also, I have really bared my soul and been extremely open about my thoughts and feelings.

I have already covered a lot of details of our meetups and conversations in the first open letter; so we can skip many of them. What do I love most about you? your warm and friendly nature, your laidback and easy-going attitude and the fact that you don’t judge anyone and overlook things such as social awkwardness (something that I am known for); focussing on the character instead. Moreover, you have seen me at my best and at my worst and yet I hold an extremely special place in your heart – by your own words in fact! Of course, at the same time, you are very brutally honest and do not shy away from telling me what you don’t like and are not comfortable with. This is what makes you such a complete person, Stella.

You know, initially I thought of you as a perfect person, but gradually I have begun to see you as a person with flaws; but those flaws make you a beautiful human being on the whole. For instance, you overwork yourself and care too much about other people; while throwing yourself under the bus – which I find an adorable quality. You are also simply too patient – many a time I have messaged you continuously and you’ve not only been okay with it; you’ve even replied to some of these messages and with enthusiasm as well. Moreover, I know I can speak my mind without feeling shy; because you are cool with almost everything.

What makes you different from other people whom I have counted as friends or cousins is our deep, unshakable bond (again, in your own words) that never changes even if we do not speak to each other for a while; as well as your extremely forgiving nature – there have been occasions where you’ve been angry with me (and rightly so!); but very soon you revert to being affectionate with me as if nothing happened. You are also an incredible judge of character – your suspicions about my so-called ex-best friend Tracy proved absolutely right; that she was so close to me only because of my money. Moreover, you keep sharing pictures and videos, including intimate ones with Patrick – it shows how open and trusting you are.

Stella, I don’t consider it the norm as such, but we chat at least once a week, which is remarkable; considering you live in a different country. Here, I really have to appreciate your husband Patrick – he is absolutely cool about how close we are, even given you two are married for 10+ years. Also, your Mom Jennifer Aunty is like a second mother to me and has helped me and my family out in quite a few crisis situations – I enjoy talking to her every weekend. Our long calls on Botim (Whatsapp when you are in India) and voice note exchanges are something that I greatly cherish and will cherish for life; same goes for your calling me “Ashy” (earlier “Ash”) almost all the time, even when you are not happy with me! 😀

You have also made sacrifices for me on a few occasions – for instance, this February you came to Mumbai on a whirlwind trip to meet your Mama; you came on a Saturday evening and spent Sunday with your Mama; leaving on Tuesday afternoon. On Monday, you were extremely tied up with office as well as personal work and hence you could have met me on Tuesday 1^st half at your Mom’s Cancer Trust centre. In fact, that is what you initially planned to do, but for my sake you made time and met me on Monday night at your home – something that I will never forget for the rest of my life. The reasons why you did it were very touching – one, you did not want me to take time off work on Tuesday 1^st half; two, at the centre we would not have had the opportunity to talk intimately (or even freely) unlike at your home. Moreover, when we met; you gave me a very morale-boosting pep talk and also shared with me a few motivational podcasts. So sweet of you, Stella!!

One of the best things about you is that you have done your research on my condition (Asperger’s Syndrome) and feel that I am different in many ways but different doesn’t mean wrong and that it’s completely okay to be the way I am. Moreover, you even highlighted my loyalty and kindness; as well as the fact that people with my condition often notice things that others may miss. I always value your counsel; even if you sometimes sound like your Mom or my Mom – which in fact is something that I find cute!! Same goes for your strict refusal to reply to my messages during my work hours; something that has significantly improved my focus at work in the last 1 month or so!! 😉

Stella, I want to confess something. It is the conversations I have with you that have made me a happier person in the last 1 year or so. I look forward to every single chat with you and you are constantly on my mind, I even get dreams about you; all harmless of course 😃. In fact, you are the dearest person to me after my immediate family. In the near future, when I find a potential life partner; my parents’ approval is not enough; I would want your approval too and of course, your parents’ approval. And you will always remain my closest cousin sister even after marriage; in fact for my entire life. Recently you called me “dearest brother”; this made me feel I am one of the luckiest people in the planet. In fact, whenever my photo is taken; I think of our calls or voice note exchanges and that usually helps me smile effectively.

Our latest meeting, at your Mom’s Cancer trust, is one that I will cherish deeply for my life. We had a really intimate conversation in which you shared me a few secrets and I also opened up to you in a way I had never done before. Best of all, your cooking was superb as always; especially the Chole Rice. The funny thing is you told me to “come running”, though of course in your typically warm and affectionate style. I also love that you have become really close with my Mom and likewise me with your Mom.

From now on, I will share everything with you, except for things that I can share only with men. I also greatly appreciate that you share me deep secrets and I am truly honoured to keep these secrets. I want you to know, I am here for you any time; you can call me anytime and I am ready to do anything ethically right for you. You can rant, you can curse, you can get angry with me, you can be rude or irritable with me; you have total freedom. You have already scolded me on many occasions and I feel a guilty pleasure at receiving such scoldings 😄. You may not be related to me, but our relationship proves that blood need not always be thicker than water. Moreover, I pray for you and your family daily nowadays.

Stella, there are times when I have tested your patience to the limit and I know I haven’t always been the best brother, but I am making amends gradually and doing my best to become a better human being; yes, sometimes I fall really short like the last two days but I am learning from every single mistake and I deeply regret the mistakes (especially not giving space) but definitely not my feelings towards you. One thing will remain constant – I love you as a sister and will do my best to support you as much as possible. You are highly precious to me and while I don’t want to set any expectations; I greatly treasure our relationship and am ready to do anything to ensure it lasts forever; including changing quite a few aspects of my behaviour. If I face an issue with anyone (including future wife) I will tell you; I will be fiercely loyal to you till my last breath. Say hypothetically, the life partner forces me to choose between you and her; I would any day choose your sisterhood.

One day when you are free, I would love to have a heart-to-heart chat with you. I will tell you every single thing that is in my mind, except again things that I can’t tell women. It is best if we do it over a call, but voice notes are a great alternative too. I want our relationship to grow stronger over the years, gradually of course though. I will end on this note: please always be brutally honest like how you were just yesterday and don’t hesitate to tell me anything out of your natural concern that I may get hurt – this is regarding anything you don’t like or don’t feel comfortable with; can include even small things. Also, don’t hesitate to reach out to me anytime when you need support.  See you soon Stella, thank you in advance for reading this so patiently!!