The Worst Candidates

Poem on the worst candidates whom you may encounter; while hiring for an Investment Banking role. Here is the content:

I know I am probably saying this for the nth time

But hiring for an Investment Banking role

Is nothing less than a wild goose chase

Especially if the domain happens to be Technology

You search the market in and out

Hoping to find candidates

Who possess the desired skill sets and experience

And show interest in the role

Which is easier said than done

Because every candidate has n number of reasons

To stay in his/her present job

Candidate A feels her company is a better brand

As opposed to the client

For whom you are hiring

Candidate B wants to move out of Investment Banking

Candidate C is earning a salary

That is well above the client’s budget

Candidate D doesn’t have the required experience

In that particular domain

Candidate E is not comfortable with the job location

Candidate F doesn’t want to change jobs at the moment

Because his bonus payouts are due

Candidate G wants to be a VP

Even though she lacks the required experience

For that particular grade

And I can go on and on

But I don’t want you to die of boredom

Hence, I’m cutting to the chase

Even worse than the above-mentioned candidates

Are those who say “I’ll think it over and get back to you”

By the time they eventually get back

The position would have already been closed!!

And then there are those candidates

Who initially show interest

And then keep stalling you

Either they become busier than usual

Or they totally disappear

May Heaven save you from such candidates!

When they show interest at first

It does wonders to your confidence

Especially when you’ve been struggling all this time

However, that confidence takes a beating

Every time these candidates put you on tenterhooks

And slowly, but surely

Your hope is replaced by dread

Confidence by insecurities

And finally

Patience by haste

In your desperation to find backup resumes

You make mistakes

That you would have never made earlier

You mumble and stammer

While speaking to fresh candidates

And as a result

Forget closing the role

Even sharing resumes with the client

Suddenly seems like a bridge too far

And this vicious cycle continues

Until you can stand it no longer

And curse those candidates

Who’ve brought you to the verge of a breakdown

As I’ve said before

The worst candidates are not those who say ‘No’

They are the ones who say ‘Yes’

And then proceed to lose interest

Share your views please ! :)

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