Again, to refresh you all; here are the first 5 parts: https://ashwinkumar1989.in/2017/05/09/my-experiences-as-an-aspie-part-one/ , https://ashwinkumar1989.in/2017/05/10/my-experiences-as-an-aspie-part-two/ , https://ashwinkumar1989.in/2017/05/12/my-experiences-as-an-aspie-part-three/ , https://ashwinkumar1989.in/2017/05/25/my-experiences-as-an-aspie-part-four/ and https://ashwinkumar1989.in/2017/07/30/my-experiences-as-an-aspie-part-six/ .
One of the things that I have not discussed so far is the therapy itself. As mentioned earlier, the counsellor in Mumbai has been far more effective than the one in Chennai; as she made a concerted effort to understand me fully – including linking my past to my present. I felt free to share my feelings and experiences with her in every session. Even outside the session, whenever I was angry, frustrated or sad etc., I would message her; and we would discuss the matter in the upcoming session. In our sessions, we discovered that there were multiple personalities in me; which reacted in different ways to each situation. Being a Harry Potter fanatic 😛 , and also to make it easier for myself to understand; I classified these parts as Ron Weasley, Severus Snape, Moaning Myrtle and ‘The Rational Me’.
The Ron part was the part in me that felt less confident, insecure and lacked self-belief. In most situations(that brought out negative emotions), the Ron part would react with a heightened inferiority complex; with thoughts like “I am not good enough”, “I am not competent”, “I was stupid” etc. The Severus part was the one that felt angry, frustrated and wounded. It would react angrily in most situations, and blame other people or the society. The Myrtle part was the part that felt desperate to do something, to prove itself. It would have an urge to do something extra in most situations, many times resulting in me trying too hard. The ‘Rational Me’ was the one that was most logical, and many times critical of the other three parts. In many situations it would react like “Stop this nonsense” or “You are thinking too much” etc.
Coming back to my life (after being fired from my previous job), the trip to Chennai did wonders to my self-worth and mental state. It was followed by the annual religious function trip to Kodaganallur (near Tirunelveli) with family, and my first visit to Shirdi alone(and by train 😀 ); in November. My morale was further boosted by a first-time visit to Vizag with family in December, including a train ride to the hill station of Araku Valley 😉 . Not to mention a pure railfanning trip to Manjari Budruk (near Pune) at the end of the year 🙂 . In between all these trips, I attended quite a few interviews; and finally my patience paid off at the year-end – I got selected for another recruitment role (but also involving research and a bit of business development) in an executive search firm in Lower Parel.
There was an unfortunate little incident the day I went to the office to collect my offer letter (at the beginning of this year). I went by scooter to Kanjurmarg, from where I would take two trains: from Kanjurmarg to Dadar (Central Railway), and Dadar to Lower Parel (Western Railway). Just near Kanjurmarg station, a car came in my way. The owner made a rude hand gesture and blamed me for coming in his way. I in turn blamed him; he got out of his car and started shouting at me in Marathi/Hindi, to which I shouted back in English – this enraged him even further, and he turned it into a fist-fight. Whenever someone hits me, I usually don’t let him get away; so I hit back. He had support from one or two persons, and ended up breaking my helmet; and causing some minor bruises on my face – before ending the fight.
As you can see, here the Severus part in me showed its anger by getting provoked by the rude behaviour of the uncouth car owner; instead of ignoring him and going my way – which might have sent a message to the owner, that I don’t care two hoots about what he does; and he would probably have backed off. The Severus part also felt that this guy’s behaviour is typical of a Maharashtrian man. The Ron part felt that I was incapable of controlling my anger, or behaviour in social trigger situations; and always react in an immature manner. The Rational Me decided that it was best not to mention this incident to my family (at the moment) and move on to office as though nothing had happened. The Myrtle part decided that it was best to call a friend instead of family, and so i called my family friend (mentioned in the earlier parts).
She was of course very concerned, and advised me that anger towards a stranger in public is different from anger towards family or friends; and needs to be controlled – as it can land me in trouble; that is, if the person decided to complain to the police (irrespective of whose fault it was in the first place). She also advised me not to mention the fight at the office, as it would not look good; particularly given the importance of the situation – collecting my offer letter. My friend additionally told me to wash my face wherever possible before going to office, so that the bruises would not be obvious; and also, if asked at the office as to the reason for my bruises – just tell them that I had a minor accident with the scooter; that way, no one would get to know the truth.
The Rational Me took this advice well, and I washed my face well with a water bottle that I purchased at Lower Parel station. Fortunately for me, at the office no one noticed my bruises; and I duly got my offer letter. My bruises soon healed completely in a few days. By the way, another thing is that I started my blog at the suggestion of the counsellor – she (like many others in my life) noticed that I have a talent for writing (I am not boasting 😛 ); and advised me to write a blog so that I could put myself in a better position to get documentation/content writing jobs (more as a back-up career choice)- that time I was struggling to clear interviews for HR/Recruitment. I somewhat reluctantly took her advice, and initially wrote posts about my train trips or some movie reviews.
However, as time flew; I started writing about social issues as well; and at one stage decided to blog about my experiences as an Aspie – which brings us to where we are today 😉 . Now, blogging is a passion for me just like railfanning 🙂 . Thus, I bring an end to my blog about my experiences with Asperger’s Syndrome – hope you have enjoyed it 🙂 .
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